Pain, the Less than Great Motivator

I would love to say that pain is a great motivator, that it drives you to do great things and incredible feats of daring-do and brainpower. But the truth is, pain seldom does those things. Mostly pain eats away at you. It saps your strength, your energy, your intellect, and your will to live. When every step brings pain, all you can do is sit. When sitting brings pain, all you can do is lay down. Few of us rise to the occasion when forced to lie still in a bed and contemplate the ceiling and its cobwebs.

I don't know how people like Stephen Hawking manage it. I certainly have not come close to anything like the Grand Unification Theory. At best, I concluded that Douglas Adams was right when he said the answer to everything was 42. Maybe Adams was in pain too. Then again, he managed to be funny and intelligent when writing, while all I can manage these days is to not spell words improperly when my spell checker points them out.

I get the results of my MRI on Thursday. That is, if I come up with my copay and make my appointment. If not, well, I will just limp onward without knowing precisely what it is that is causing so much pain. Most likely it is simply the fact of being overweight with slightly arthritic knees that is doing the trick. And the average doctor to this will brilliantly and enthusiastically say, You MUST lose weight! Oy. I wish *I* had thought of that. Really I do. Because hauling this enormous ass around has been so simple for me, it never occurred to me to lose weight. All fat people enjoy their fatitude. Really they do. It's a picnic, it is.

Which brings us back to pain. Having been in some form of pain for the past 15 years or so, I can honestly and enthusiastically say, it sucks. I am tired of it, and I wish it would stop. Occasionally I try to come up with a reason for it, like, it's making me a better person, or it is giving me a different perspective on life, or that it's somehow purifying my body. It's not, to all three of those things. Pain just hurts. It is a powerful distraction.

But if I feel myself getting purer, I'll let you know.