April 19 : Freaky Friday- If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?If that seems too easy,try this one:who would you like to have spend a day as you and what do you hope they’d learn from the experience?
Frankly, this stymies me. For both prompts. Who would I like to be? Well, I think any fit, driven, well-balanced individual would do. Someone who's out horseback riding on a trail somewhere, near a waterfall where I can dismount and swim in the buff for a while as my horse cools down. Stuff like that. I don't know who does those kinds of things IRL, but that's who I would be if I could be them. So there.
As far as someone to share my day- any person who has ever doubted the debilitating features of vertigo. All of them. Because they're out there. Many of them in my family. "Oh, you're dizzy? Well just sit down for a few minutes. It'll pass". What is it about 6 hour attacks that you do not understand? Hmm?
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Thursday, March 03, 2016
I've been siiiiick. Like, cold and flu sick. I'm not sure which it was. It started out with throwing up, then a sore throat with laryngitis, now it's just more mucus than any one person should EVER be able to produce. Ever. My mucus laughs at Mucinex. Haha! Take THAT!
Anyway. I spent actual time in the studio today for the first time in a week. It's still there. I should have sat and thrown a bunch of stuff, but I was into this book and wanted to finish it. Now that that's done, I think I'll sit and watch a bunch of pottery making videos and learn something new. I've had a request for thrown bird houses. They look simple enough. I'm always up for something new. Right? Right?
It's sad, but I have nothing of importance to say right now. I did go vote. Sadly, Clinton won Alabama. Poor Bernie. And he started out so strong! Now it's down to Clinton and Trump, I'm fairly sure. This is a sad day in American politics. So very sad.
We should probably all start drinking right now.
Anyway. I spent actual time in the studio today for the first time in a week. It's still there. I should have sat and thrown a bunch of stuff, but I was into this book and wanted to finish it. Now that that's done, I think I'll sit and watch a bunch of pottery making videos and learn something new. I've had a request for thrown bird houses. They look simple enough. I'm always up for something new. Right? Right?
It's sad, but I have nothing of importance to say right now. I did go vote. Sadly, Clinton won Alabama. Poor Bernie. And he started out so strong! Now it's down to Clinton and Trump, I'm fairly sure. This is a sad day in American politics. So very sad.
We should probably all start drinking right now.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
That Vertigo Thing, Part Deux
So, when you have Meniere's Disease to the extent that I do, which is to say, nearly what's known as "end stage" Meniere's, treatments are few, far between, and ever more drastic.
The worst of these involves removing all the functioning parts of the inner ear to the affected side. From this point hearing in that ear is impossible. It's a pretty drastic measure.
The next-worst of these is called vestibular neurectomy. It involves severing the vestibular nerve that leads to the affected ear. The hoped result of this treatment is that in severing the vestibular nerve, which is responsible for balance, to that ear, the other ear can then take up the duties both ears once took care of. It's a permanent fix, if it is indeed a fix. It works for a lot of people. At one time, before I was diagnosed with MS, this was the fix we were going to try out. During pre-surgery testing, a caloric-conversion test showed that I had some type of brain damage. It was from that point that my MS was diagnosed. But that's another story. Anyway, because of the brain damage, the oto-neurologist strongly advised to never have the procedure done. I've stuck with that recommendation. I may not have much balance left regarding that ear, but I do have SOME, which is better than none.
The recent vertigo problems had obviously become bad, heading toward severe. The next-line defense against vertigo of my type is injecting steroids directly into the inner ear canal, thus killing the hair cells responsible for balance, and temporarily relieving the vertigo. It also has the unfortunate side effect of causing hearing loss in that ear, but I really didn't have that much to lose to begin with, so bugger that.
Last week the ENT did the steroid injection thing, which has greatly helped. In case you're suffering just a bit of the dizzies and are thinking this sounds like a groovy idea, keep in mind it involves cutting a hole in the ear drum, inserting a needle (after application of deadening agents and peroxide and much suctioning) into the canal and filling it with steroids. It hurts. Rather a lot.
However! The procedure has been very successful, as I am now only having 2 bad days a week as opposed to 4-5 bad days a week. Woot!
I will likely have another treatment of the same next week. Might as well kill as many of those little buggers as possible, right?
Meniere's Disease usually goes into remission after a couple of months. Usually. My case is fairly rare, with the disease seldom going into remission completely. I've lost at least 70% of the hearing in my right ear, with a small amount of loss in the left ear. I have a 30%+ chance of developing Meniere's in my left ear. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's already there since I've got ringing in that ear as well. Did I mention the ringing? My ear has about 5 different ringing tones, varying from a light buzz to one that sounds like those old-fashioned fire alarms you had in school when you were a kid. I've had the ringing since 1995. I thought I was going to lose my mind at first. I learned that a number of people with tinnitus caused by Meniere's actually commit suicide. I can understand that.
I can't say I'd ever kill myself over it, but I get the urge. Totally. You never know how much your balance means to your every day life until you don't have it.
So good-bye balance. I knew ye when....
The worst of these involves removing all the functioning parts of the inner ear to the affected side. From this point hearing in that ear is impossible. It's a pretty drastic measure.
The next-worst of these is called vestibular neurectomy. It involves severing the vestibular nerve that leads to the affected ear. The hoped result of this treatment is that in severing the vestibular nerve, which is responsible for balance, to that ear, the other ear can then take up the duties both ears once took care of. It's a permanent fix, if it is indeed a fix. It works for a lot of people. At one time, before I was diagnosed with MS, this was the fix we were going to try out. During pre-surgery testing, a caloric-conversion test showed that I had some type of brain damage. It was from that point that my MS was diagnosed. But that's another story. Anyway, because of the brain damage, the oto-neurologist strongly advised to never have the procedure done. I've stuck with that recommendation. I may not have much balance left regarding that ear, but I do have SOME, which is better than none.
The recent vertigo problems had obviously become bad, heading toward severe. The next-line defense against vertigo of my type is injecting steroids directly into the inner ear canal, thus killing the hair cells responsible for balance, and temporarily relieving the vertigo. It also has the unfortunate side effect of causing hearing loss in that ear, but I really didn't have that much to lose to begin with, so bugger that.
Last week the ENT did the steroid injection thing, which has greatly helped. In case you're suffering just a bit of the dizzies and are thinking this sounds like a groovy idea, keep in mind it involves cutting a hole in the ear drum, inserting a needle (after application of deadening agents and peroxide and much suctioning) into the canal and filling it with steroids. It hurts. Rather a lot.
However! The procedure has been very successful, as I am now only having 2 bad days a week as opposed to 4-5 bad days a week. Woot!
I will likely have another treatment of the same next week. Might as well kill as many of those little buggers as possible, right?
Meniere's Disease usually goes into remission after a couple of months. Usually. My case is fairly rare, with the disease seldom going into remission completely. I've lost at least 70% of the hearing in my right ear, with a small amount of loss in the left ear. I have a 30%+ chance of developing Meniere's in my left ear. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's already there since I've got ringing in that ear as well. Did I mention the ringing? My ear has about 5 different ringing tones, varying from a light buzz to one that sounds like those old-fashioned fire alarms you had in school when you were a kid. I've had the ringing since 1995. I thought I was going to lose my mind at first. I learned that a number of people with tinnitus caused by Meniere's actually commit suicide. I can understand that.
I can't say I'd ever kill myself over it, but I get the urge. Totally. You never know how much your balance means to your every day life until you don't have it.
So good-bye balance. I knew ye when....
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Happy Anniversary!
Our anniversary (#23 for all you who doubted us) is on Sunday. Naturally Tom was without a clue as to what to get me. So I helped him out. As any good wife would do.
It has loooong been my dream to be able to design and make my own jewelry. Since I was a kid long. I used to cut pictures of rings and such out of Service Merchandise catalogs and just sit and look at them. It's why I own so much silver jewelry. I love it. I would bathe in it if I could.
A while back I asked a fellow artist/friend if she knew anyone who taught classes in jewelry making. She gave me the name and number of a lady who does so locally. I had the number for a good while but just never followed up on it, figuring that it would be much too expensive to do. Day before yesterday I finally decided to contact her, via email. We discussed the particulars, and the lessons are actually viable. So I told Tom that's what I wanted for our anniversary! To get jewelry lessons! I'm so excited!
It's not actually far afield from my usual request for jewelry, but this time I can make it myself. I'm going to sit down and try to sketch out a few things and see if we can do them during the lessons. I've got a container full of gemstones to use. Squeee!!!
Guess what absolutely everyone is getting for presents from now on?
(Oh. Psssttttt! It's a secret, but I got Tom a leather coat. He's been trolling for one. It's dreamy.)
It has loooong been my dream to be able to design and make my own jewelry. Since I was a kid long. I used to cut pictures of rings and such out of Service Merchandise catalogs and just sit and look at them. It's why I own so much silver jewelry. I love it. I would bathe in it if I could.
A while back I asked a fellow artist/friend if she knew anyone who taught classes in jewelry making. She gave me the name and number of a lady who does so locally. I had the number for a good while but just never followed up on it, figuring that it would be much too expensive to do. Day before yesterday I finally decided to contact her, via email. We discussed the particulars, and the lessons are actually viable. So I told Tom that's what I wanted for our anniversary! To get jewelry lessons! I'm so excited!
It's not actually far afield from my usual request for jewelry, but this time I can make it myself. I'm going to sit down and try to sketch out a few things and see if we can do them during the lessons. I've got a container full of gemstones to use. Squeee!!!
Guess what absolutely everyone is getting for presents from now on?
(Oh. Psssttttt! It's a secret, but I got Tom a leather coat. He's been trolling for one. It's dreamy.)
Monday, February 15, 2016
Say tongue.
Sometimes a word just strikes you as so funny it seems as though it shouldn't be allowed to be a word at all. I was pondering the merits of just such a word one night, and was trying to convey its weirdness to Caity (who just happened to be home for Christmas).
:
Lying in bed, we're watching TV.
Me: Tongue is a weird word. Say it. Say "tongue".
Caity: What? Why?
Me: Say it. Say "tongue".
Caity: You're weird.
Me: Say it. Say "tongue".
Caity: No!
Me: Say it. Say "tongue". Just say it. It's a weird word. Say "tongue".
Caity: No!
Me: SAY IT! Say "tongue".
Caity: No!
Me: Say it! Say "tongue"! Say it!
Caity: Tongue
Me: See? It's it a weird word?
Caity: You're weird.
I know what you're doing now. You're saying "tongue", and thinking about how weird it is, aren't you?
:
Lying in bed, we're watching TV.
Me: Tongue is a weird word. Say it. Say "tongue".
Caity: What? Why?
Me: Say it. Say "tongue".
Caity: You're weird.
Me: Say it. Say "tongue".
Caity: No!
Me: Say it. Say "tongue". Just say it. It's a weird word. Say "tongue".
Caity: No!
Me: SAY IT! Say "tongue".
Caity: No!
Me: Say it! Say "tongue"! Say it!
Caity: Tongue
Me: See? It's it a weird word?
Caity: You're weird.
I know what you're doing now. You're saying "tongue", and thinking about how weird it is, aren't you?
Series books that shouldn't be
Let me just put this out there in the universe:
It really is OKAY to have a one-off book. Not every single book out there needs to have a sequel. No, really, it doesn't. Granted, there are plenty of authors whom I am quite pleased, nay, ecstatic, to have multiple volumes. Ilona Andrews, G.A. Aiken/Laurentston, etc. But they are in the minority for the most part, and they seem to have started their series with the idea that a story should be finished within its pages, then a larger arc residing in the background which the reader can decide if they want to become a part of. Many authors, who really shouldn't be giving up their day jobs, are writing 3 book stories and just taking that leap that assumes we want to slog through their first one. Well gee. We just don't.
Highland Shift by Laura Harner is one such book. It's not that the writing is so very bad, because as far as putting sentences together, she seems relatively able to do that. But her heroine? Oy Vey. I would slap her silly, but she's already there. Once again, we are subjected to the "virgin heroine" syndrome, in which a 20-30 something gorgeous woman has "just never had time" for sex. Buh? Do these people actually exist? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but apparently in genre romance land, the trees are ripe with them. Anyway, within 24 hours of meeting the godlike Scot who has deemed himself her protector and has moved himself into her home, miss never-had-time-for-it has decided he has to be her first. And that it's going to be meaningless sex. So she sets her hat for Mr. Scot, attemtping to seduce him. Within the next 24 hours she has decided, within the same sentence and in this order, that 1) she wants a one-night-stand, and 2) he has made her fall madly in love with him! Oh noes! In one sentence! Freak. And it's not, he's so aweomse I fell in love with him, it's YOU made me fall in love with you. Like it's his fault she's freaking bi-polar. And crazy.
I didn't go any further with this one. I just couldn't after that. I can put up with a lot of stupid, but when the "heroine" blames others for her own shortcomings right off the bat, and practically date-rapes him, well it's just more than I can deal with. This is one of those books that shouldn't have a sequel, and yet, inexplicably, does. Desktop publishing has brought us some wonderful authors over the past few years, but its also brought us garbage like this.
Let's hope it swings back the other direction sometime soon.
It really is OKAY to have a one-off book. Not every single book out there needs to have a sequel. No, really, it doesn't. Granted, there are plenty of authors whom I am quite pleased, nay, ecstatic, to have multiple volumes. Ilona Andrews, G.A. Aiken/Laurentston, etc. But they are in the minority for the most part, and they seem to have started their series with the idea that a story should be finished within its pages, then a larger arc residing in the background which the reader can decide if they want to become a part of. Many authors, who really shouldn't be giving up their day jobs, are writing 3 book stories and just taking that leap that assumes we want to slog through their first one. Well gee. We just don't.
Highland Shift by Laura Harner is one such book. It's not that the writing is so very bad, because as far as putting sentences together, she seems relatively able to do that. But her heroine? Oy Vey. I would slap her silly, but she's already there. Once again, we are subjected to the "virgin heroine" syndrome, in which a 20-30 something gorgeous woman has "just never had time" for sex. Buh? Do these people actually exist? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but apparently in genre romance land, the trees are ripe with them. Anyway, within 24 hours of meeting the godlike Scot who has deemed himself her protector and has moved himself into her home, miss never-had-time-for-it has decided he has to be her first. And that it's going to be meaningless sex. So she sets her hat for Mr. Scot, attemtping to seduce him. Within the next 24 hours she has decided, within the same sentence and in this order, that 1) she wants a one-night-stand, and 2) he has made her fall madly in love with him! Oh noes! In one sentence! Freak. And it's not, he's so aweomse I fell in love with him, it's YOU made me fall in love with you. Like it's his fault she's freaking bi-polar. And crazy.
I didn't go any further with this one. I just couldn't after that. I can put up with a lot of stupid, but when the "heroine" blames others for her own shortcomings right off the bat, and practically date-rapes him, well it's just more than I can deal with. This is one of those books that shouldn't have a sequel, and yet, inexplicably, does. Desktop publishing has brought us some wonderful authors over the past few years, but its also brought us garbage like this.
Let's hope it swings back the other direction sometime soon.
Saturday, February 13, 2016
That Vertigo Thing
Yeah, kayso, I'm dealing with some vertigo right now. Like scrolling the screen literally makes me feel as if I'm going to fall off the sofa. It's an old song, but one that still plays on, even though the record is severely scratched.
I think what set it off today was being in a warm environment (my studio) and going out into a cold environment (outside). The temp difference I guess confuses the inner ear and then away we go. It's kind of like having a caloric conversion test. The one the ENT gives you where they swirl hot or cold water into your ear and it makes you feel as though you're going to fall off the table. It's my very favorite one. Kind of makes you leery of hot and cold running water.
Had a relatively productive day in the studio. I actually started glazing a kiln load of pots and such. I had to vacuum out the kiln since I had an exploding piece of greenware last load. The shards went all the way to the top rows of coils, which is not a cool thing at all. Kind of shortens the life of your very expensive coils. I had to hang over the side of the kiln, looking like Winnie the Pooh stuck in the honey tree. I kid you not. And to facilitate all that, I had to take the shop vac apart and clean it because it was apparently pissed about having not had that done. Dust everywhere. But it's done.
We also had more visitors today than we've had all week, which is good and sad at the same time. I wish we had more traffic. I'm thinking the publicist needs to get on the ball.
And that is the end of my very uninteresting thing. You know. Blah blah blah fishcakes.
I bid you adieu.
I think what set it off today was being in a warm environment (my studio) and going out into a cold environment (outside). The temp difference I guess confuses the inner ear and then away we go. It's kind of like having a caloric conversion test. The one the ENT gives you where they swirl hot or cold water into your ear and it makes you feel as though you're going to fall off the table. It's my very favorite one. Kind of makes you leery of hot and cold running water.
Had a relatively productive day in the studio. I actually started glazing a kiln load of pots and such. I had to vacuum out the kiln since I had an exploding piece of greenware last load. The shards went all the way to the top rows of coils, which is not a cool thing at all. Kind of shortens the life of your very expensive coils. I had to hang over the side of the kiln, looking like Winnie the Pooh stuck in the honey tree. I kid you not. And to facilitate all that, I had to take the shop vac apart and clean it because it was apparently pissed about having not had that done. Dust everywhere. But it's done.
We also had more visitors today than we've had all week, which is good and sad at the same time. I wish we had more traffic. I'm thinking the publicist needs to get on the ball.
And that is the end of my very uninteresting thing. You know. Blah blah blah fishcakes.
I bid you adieu.
Friday, February 12, 2016
Dead Ice by Laurell Hamilton
Okay, first of all I applaud Hamilton's effort to actually have a story line this time around. Tried is the operative word here. There actually IS a story in there somewhere. And it might have been a good one, had she stuck to it.
Unfortunately, she spends a LOT of pages describing her various relationships with her various lovers. We get it. She screws a lot of people and it's okay because blah blah blah. Free love. Whatever. Quit trying to justify all the sexual partners and just get on with the story. Because there actually IS one here. It's just that it occupies fewer than three chapters of the book.
Quit trying to pad with book with extraneous crap and get on with the story. I'd rather have a 200 page book with actual action in it than 400 pages of relationship descriptions with various men/women.
Sadly, for me this attempt is too little too late. Anita Blake was an interesting character at one time. Truly. She was human, flawed, grumpy, and sexy. In fewer than 3 books she quit slaying vampires and zombies and started having sex with them. All. I think the notion was that she was supposed to be Buffy Summers, all grown up. Wannabe. Hamilton tries for erotica and only ends up with...squishy. Just gross body fluids everywhere.
This is the last of the Anita Blake series for me. There is simply too much crap to put up with for too little payout. Sorry Anita. We knew ye when...
Unfortunately, she spends a LOT of pages describing her various relationships with her various lovers. We get it. She screws a lot of people and it's okay because blah blah blah. Free love. Whatever. Quit trying to justify all the sexual partners and just get on with the story. Because there actually IS one here. It's just that it occupies fewer than three chapters of the book.
Quit trying to pad with book with extraneous crap and get on with the story. I'd rather have a 200 page book with actual action in it than 400 pages of relationship descriptions with various men/women.
Sadly, for me this attempt is too little too late. Anita Blake was an interesting character at one time. Truly. She was human, flawed, grumpy, and sexy. In fewer than 3 books she quit slaying vampires and zombies and started having sex with them. All. I think the notion was that she was supposed to be Buffy Summers, all grown up. Wannabe. Hamilton tries for erotica and only ends up with...squishy. Just gross body fluids everywhere.
This is the last of the Anita Blake series for me. There is simply too much crap to put up with for too little payout. Sorry Anita. We knew ye when...
That new book reviewing thing I'm trying...
I know, I know. I talk a lot and deliver a little. But I do try. Sometimes.
So here is my obsession du jour: I'm going to review the books I read and post the reviews here. And if I ever figure out how to do it, I'll link this to Goodreads. If.
My reading material is, by and large, fantasy related. The Enthrall series I reviewed this same day is my first foray into doing reviews. Let's just see how that flies.
I signed up for Book Bub a couple of weeks ago. It's been a boon, and more importantly, a FREE boon! I've picked up some free books by authors I would never have considered trying before, because, let's face it, it was free. I'm all about some free. The upshot of all this, besides the free thing, is that I'm broadening my horizons. I've also realized I need to read more "thinky" books. I've gotten very lazy in my reading, preferring to escape into fantasy worlds rather than deal with anything, well, real. I'm going to make an effort to take care of that. Promise.
In the meantime, I'm going to offer a couple of reviews of books I've read recently. Or maybe not so recently, but still worth a mention. And maybe this will sort of force me to get back into my blogging again. I didn't realize I hadn't touched this thing for almost two years. Not since Dad died. I've been in a weird headspace because of all that, as one might imagine. Now I've got a very precious stepmom who will not be around for very much longer, so I've got to revisit that whole little hell again. See? Why the fantasy world?
Anyway. There it is. Have fun. Feel free to disagree. I welcome it.
So here is my obsession du jour: I'm going to review the books I read and post the reviews here. And if I ever figure out how to do it, I'll link this to Goodreads. If.
My reading material is, by and large, fantasy related. The Enthrall series I reviewed this same day is my first foray into doing reviews. Let's just see how that flies.
I signed up for Book Bub a couple of weeks ago. It's been a boon, and more importantly, a FREE boon! I've picked up some free books by authors I would never have considered trying before, because, let's face it, it was free. I'm all about some free. The upshot of all this, besides the free thing, is that I'm broadening my horizons. I've also realized I need to read more "thinky" books. I've gotten very lazy in my reading, preferring to escape into fantasy worlds rather than deal with anything, well, real. I'm going to make an effort to take care of that. Promise.
In the meantime, I'm going to offer a couple of reviews of books I've read recently. Or maybe not so recently, but still worth a mention. And maybe this will sort of force me to get back into my blogging again. I didn't realize I hadn't touched this thing for almost two years. Not since Dad died. I've been in a weird headspace because of all that, as one might imagine. Now I've got a very precious stepmom who will not be around for very much longer, so I've got to revisit that whole little hell again. See? Why the fantasy world?
Anyway. There it is. Have fun. Feel free to disagree. I welcome it.
Enthrall Series by Vanessa Fewings
The Enthrall series consists of 5 books in all, and although the last
two- Cameron's Control and Cameron's Contract- are technically part of a
separate series, you can't read one without the other. So to speak.
The journey begins with wide-eyed Mia (from whose point of view we are seeing the story) going to work for a secret, high-end BDSM club. Okay, let me put this out there in the universe. Is there some secret mandate that says ALL heroines MUST BE VIRGINS? wtf? What's wrong with a woman of experience? Huh? Huh?
Okay, mini-rant over. Anyway, Mia goes to work for Enthrall. The reasons are myriad that influence Mia's journey into the BDSM world, reasons I'm not going to tell you because that's part of the fun. But things are not always what they seem at first look. Mia falls for Richard, the club's dom. Sexual situations ensue. So much fun, and actual heart-rending emotional connections are made with the characters.
Enthrall Her (which oddly was difficult for me to acquire because of a link issue with B&N, but I digress) brings Mia further into the world of Enthrall and Chrysalis. Characters from Enthrall are here and doing their joyfully hedonistic best to make LA an interesting kind of town. They succeed. Cameron is called upon to...erm..assist Mia become a better sub to Richard. Part of this process is dealing with her incredibly crappy childhood, or lack thereof. The section is heartbreaking and triumphant at the same time. Enthrall Her doesn't end here, however. It's just a brilliant lead-in to...
Enthrall Him. Cameron gets as good as he's given. A frantic escape from a menacing businessman bring Mia and Cameron closer together as they flee to Europe. As anyone knows, urgent situations create urgent relationships. Mia and Richard's relationship is scrutinized under the microscope of Cameron's burgeoning feelings for his friend's sub. An uneasy situation at best. Honestly, I cried a little. At erotica. Because let's face it, this is an action/adventure/romance with some BDSM thrown in. And that's just dandy with me.
Cameron's Control and Cameron's Contract (written from Cameron's POV) continue the fun and the suspense ratchets up. Tension is rife in the Cameron/Mia/Richard dynamic, and one never quite knows what's going to happen. The psychological tension Fewings creates is believable and thrilling.
Like I stated in my first post, I'm not going to iterate the entire series' plots, etc. I say all the above to say things like this: Fewings has accomplished what Laurell Hamilton has only dreamed of doing. Creating a series that combines action/adventure/suspense/eroticism in a way that leaves the reader desperately wanting more. Her characters are fresh, original, intelligent, and believable. Which is frankly difficult to do with one of these "billionaire meets virgin" genre books. I mean seriously, booksellers, smashwords, whoeverthehell who publishes are rife with these books. I've read, or started reading, a few of them. And then stopped. Either the characters left me utterly cold, or the attempts to be sexy or sexual just fell so flat as to be a huge turn-off. I again reference Laurell Hamilton.
I am now a huge fan of Vanessa Fewings. Have I mentioned the role BookBub has played here? I received Enthrall for free from BookBub and was hooked on the series. The Bub does a great service to authors and readers alike. Had I not received the freebie, I would never have read the rest of this exciting series, and I wouldn't have a brand-new favorite author. So, if you've not signed up for BookBub, I highly encourage it. And did I mention? The free stuff? Free!
The journey begins with wide-eyed Mia (from whose point of view we are seeing the story) going to work for a secret, high-end BDSM club. Okay, let me put this out there in the universe. Is there some secret mandate that says ALL heroines MUST BE VIRGINS? wtf? What's wrong with a woman of experience? Huh? Huh?
Okay, mini-rant over. Anyway, Mia goes to work for Enthrall. The reasons are myriad that influence Mia's journey into the BDSM world, reasons I'm not going to tell you because that's part of the fun. But things are not always what they seem at first look. Mia falls for Richard, the club's dom. Sexual situations ensue. So much fun, and actual heart-rending emotional connections are made with the characters.
Enthrall Her (which oddly was difficult for me to acquire because of a link issue with B&N, but I digress) brings Mia further into the world of Enthrall and Chrysalis. Characters from Enthrall are here and doing their joyfully hedonistic best to make LA an interesting kind of town. They succeed. Cameron is called upon to...erm..assist Mia become a better sub to Richard. Part of this process is dealing with her incredibly crappy childhood, or lack thereof. The section is heartbreaking and triumphant at the same time. Enthrall Her doesn't end here, however. It's just a brilliant lead-in to...
Enthrall Him. Cameron gets as good as he's given. A frantic escape from a menacing businessman bring Mia and Cameron closer together as they flee to Europe. As anyone knows, urgent situations create urgent relationships. Mia and Richard's relationship is scrutinized under the microscope of Cameron's burgeoning feelings for his friend's sub. An uneasy situation at best. Honestly, I cried a little. At erotica. Because let's face it, this is an action/adventure/romance with some BDSM thrown in. And that's just dandy with me.
Cameron's Control and Cameron's Contract (written from Cameron's POV) continue the fun and the suspense ratchets up. Tension is rife in the Cameron/Mia/Richard dynamic, and one never quite knows what's going to happen. The psychological tension Fewings creates is believable and thrilling.
Like I stated in my first post, I'm not going to iterate the entire series' plots, etc. I say all the above to say things like this: Fewings has accomplished what Laurell Hamilton has only dreamed of doing. Creating a series that combines action/adventure/suspense/eroticism in a way that leaves the reader desperately wanting more. Her characters are fresh, original, intelligent, and believable. Which is frankly difficult to do with one of these "billionaire meets virgin" genre books. I mean seriously, booksellers, smashwords, whoeverthehell who publishes are rife with these books. I've read, or started reading, a few of them. And then stopped. Either the characters left me utterly cold, or the attempts to be sexy or sexual just fell so flat as to be a huge turn-off. I again reference Laurell Hamilton.
I am now a huge fan of Vanessa Fewings. Have I mentioned the role BookBub has played here? I received Enthrall for free from BookBub and was hooked on the series. The Bub does a great service to authors and readers alike. Had I not received the freebie, I would never have read the rest of this exciting series, and I wouldn't have a brand-new favorite author. So, if you've not signed up for BookBub, I highly encourage it. And did I mention? The free stuff? Free!
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Fighting in the Valley
Dad: They were fighting there, in the valley, to a man. Fighting and dying.
Me: What was the name of the valley, Dad?
Dad: (In an eerie sort of voice- one that I will never forget) That's the thing. No one knows, to a man. They just fight and die, and none of them knows why.
I've no clue why this last bit of conversation keeps rolling through my consciousness. Over and over, and the tone of his voice when he talked about the valley. It pulls at my heart. I've never heard him talk like that- almost as if it were someone else's voice. Maybe it was. I don't know. But it's burned into me with a sweetness born of his longing to tell me how much he loved me. For a need to wipe away over 50 years of pain and contention.
Yes, there are times when the pain peeks through. When I remember words as whips, anger and the need to control and cause pain. But mostly now, I remember that valley, and the reverence with which he spoke of it. I realize that the two of us, by virtue of our physical infirmities, were soldiers fighting in that nameless valley. One of us fell, and one remains standing. And still, we don't know the name of the valley.
Me: What was the name of the valley, Dad?
Dad: (In an eerie sort of voice- one that I will never forget) That's the thing. No one knows, to a man. They just fight and die, and none of them knows why.
I've no clue why this last bit of conversation keeps rolling through my consciousness. Over and over, and the tone of his voice when he talked about the valley. It pulls at my heart. I've never heard him talk like that- almost as if it were someone else's voice. Maybe it was. I don't know. But it's burned into me with a sweetness born of his longing to tell me how much he loved me. For a need to wipe away over 50 years of pain and contention.
Yes, there are times when the pain peeks through. When I remember words as whips, anger and the need to control and cause pain. But mostly now, I remember that valley, and the reverence with which he spoke of it. I realize that the two of us, by virtue of our physical infirmities, were soldiers fighting in that nameless valley. One of us fell, and one remains standing. And still, we don't know the name of the valley.
Taking a Breath- May 31
It's very strange how life goes on when you think it really needs to stop and take a deep breath.
And Then It's Done- May 30
Laid dad to his final rest today.
The world is a strange place with neither mom nor dad alive anymore. Very strange indeed.
The world is a strange place with neither mom nor dad alive anymore. Very strange indeed.
And then He Moves On- May 27
Dad
died this afternoon. It was his wish- his deepest wish- to not have to
live through the hell of being trapped in a body that no longer
functioned. I'm glad his pain is gone. I'm glad the horror of being in a
body that had failed him is gone. I am glad, so glad, he is at peace.
Love you Dad. I'm glad we had our night. It meant everything. Absolutely everything.
Love you Dad. I'm glad we had our night. It meant everything. Absolutely everything.
Hangin' with Dad- May 17
At
the home watching dad play with his underpants. We were struggling for
control of his water mug, and I wouldn't let him take the lid off. He
looked at me and said "You have all the markings of a bitch". I laughed
hard and said- you say that like it's a bad thing. Heh.
Hangin' with Dad- May 16
Hangin'
with Dad today. He fed himself mashed potatoes! That's pretty huge. And
he has a sense of humor about stuff today. He tells me to quit being
bossy, I tell him if he did what he was supposed to do I wouldn't have
to be bossy. Then he tries to sell me to the nurses. He's not having any
luck with that. He also stood up for the first time in days. He's very
present mentally. Keeps telling me little factiods he's learned over the
years. Was concerned about the water pressure in the toilet. Heh.
April 27 rehab miracle
Well,
there are miracles, and then there are miracles. We took dad to a rehab
facility Friday evening. Before he went, we had to constantly struggle
to keep him in touch with reality, to keep his clothes on, to keep him
alive.We were all convinced this was it. The doctors said there was
simply nothing left to do but keep him comfortable- which wasn't
happening. I can't begin to explain the stress we
all went through, staying with him there in the hospital. Exhaustion
trying to keep him in bed and dressed, dealing with the hallucinations,
trying to keep his CPAP on until you begin to get hallucinations
yourself, working out schedules to sit with him. He was unable to move
his legs, and was beginning to get bedsores.
Saturday? Dude is sitting up IN A CHAIR! He told my sister- "the doctors keep trying to put me in a grave, and I keep digging my way out."
Truer words were never spoken.
Keeping reality in the picture, he's still in renal failure. His heart is still pumping nearly 0%, and a few other organs are dying. He's still not long for this world. But at least he will go on his own terms, and not in a mindless haze. Thank you Lord.
Saturday? Dude is sitting up IN A CHAIR! He told my sister- "the doctors keep trying to put me in a grave, and I keep digging my way out."
Truer words were never spoken.
Keeping reality in the picture, he's still in renal failure. His heart is still pumping nearly 0%, and a few other organs are dying. He's still not long for this world. But at least he will go on his own terms, and not in a mindless haze. Thank you Lord.
Monday, May 19, 2014
Metaphoric Closure
Illness
has a way of stripping away all the excess fat from your mind. Even
if you find yourself trapped there- inside your mind, that is- and
have difficulty relaying that information.
I've
found this to be true with Dad. Since he's no longer being drugged to
"keep him from being agitated", he's much more
communicative. My sisters and I have been able to discern that he is
cognizant most of the time. He's aware of what's happened to him.
Sometimes he's able to relay information very clearly. Mere moments
later, he's talking about gunpowder and making bullets and such. He's
also full of little factoids- as he always has been- and often they
are correct. Sometimes they get jumbled in that area of his mind that
makes communication difficult, and at times impossible.
We
talked a lot yesterday afternoon and night. A lot. Most of the time
we spoke pretty clearly, but as often as not, we spoke in metaphors.
See, I get that. A couple of years ago, I had a similar brain
dysfunction due to a combination of circumstances which have yet to
be explained to me. I was trapped inside my mind. I knew what I
wanted to say, but the words were beyond me. I had to try to relay
information in metaphors. That awful period in my life prepared me
for this. As hard as it has been seeing him in the hospital and rehab
and a rehab/nursing home, for the first time in our lives we are able
to communicate with each other. The language of metaphors has turned
out to be the language we needed all along to communicate.
We
spoke of illness in terms of battle. Of all the men in the valley
getting killed, trapped there. I asked him what the name of the
valley was. He said that was the thing- the valley had no name, and
not a man there knew what he was fighting for or where. Then he told
me I had a campaign to prepare for, and that I was well prepared. I
was a "valiant soldier", and I would win. None of that was
gibberish to me. He was referring to my MS, and various other
physical problems. He was telling me to stay strong, and that I had
been strong. And that he was proud of me. It was a long talk, but a
good one. He was very very pleased that I understood him. He rubbed
his hand up and down my arm, stroking it in much the same way I have
been doing to sooth him when he was agitated. When his mind hit on
the right words, he told me what a good talk we had had. I had teared
up during much of the talk- especially when he called me a valiant
soldier.
All
this time I never felt as if I had his respect. He's never been able
to deal with someone else's illnesses. It makes him extremely
uncomfortable. But the problems I've had with Multiple Sclerosis
prepared me to understand the ones he's had with diabetes and his
heart condition. I've dealt with near blindness, being unable to
walk, being unable to communicate. I understand how difficult it is
to have to ask for a ride from others over and over. To have the
people who so generously offered to haul you around gradually fade
into the woodwork. To have your independence ripped from you. To
have your psyche at once stripped bare and yet buried beneath medicine
and tests and the fears of family and friends who think you're not
really there- that you somehow don't understand what is going on. You
get talked about in the third person when you are sitting right
there.
We
talked about less heavy things too. About how the well water at our
home tasted so good in the summer when it bubbled up out of the hose.
It was probably unsanitary as heck, but who cared? It was ice cold
and good. Natural, with no chlorine smell.
We
talked about many things. Grave things. Silly things. Things that
have too long gone unsaid. He said he didn't want this to ruin our
lives. That he knew we loved him and we didn't have to be there all
the time. In the heart of him he truly wants us there, and sort of
loves the attention even under these awful circumstances, but he
wants us to have lives too. That he said very clearly.
I
kinda love this language of metaphors. It drops away senseless
verbiage and gets down to the root of the idea. This could be the last
such talk we ever have, or the first in a long line of talks- in his
condition we simply don't know.
For
now though, we have our special way of communicating , and that sorta
works for me.
Love
you daddy. Keep fighting in that unknown valley. You can win.
Lost in the Aether
I had originally posted this long and perhaps fractured ramble on FB, but as it so often does, FB becomes snarky and evil, and vomits it back into the aether. Erego, I shall go back to either my trusty notepad (the physical one with paper and stuff), or Word (provided I am electronically permitted to use it. Last I heard, my permissions were a little iffy...) which is moody and at times a bit of a shit.
But there it is. I've also been encouraged to simply scan my longhand notes as they would lend an air of artistic fair. Mkay, you asked for it. Be forewarned- I constantly change the shape of my letters (for example- [well, that doesn't translate with a keyboard], so you'll just have to hang on and figure that out. It also changes by mood and by writing utensil. And also by how close I am to the bottom of the page. Fortunately the size seldom changes, so there are no worries of it becoming microscopic (as my southpaw daughter's does.) Additionally, I dislike erasing and instead do the old editing/nursing standby and simply scratch through it one time, thereby negating the error but not completely eradicating it.
Well then...here we go. Again. Once more- into the breach dear friends!
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